请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
) l' Q+ O6 J5 d% H% h, UBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
6 N6 o. R' ^- U8 _, V3 j8 e2 q
7 b6 B/ B4 J. y/ n7 _
5 L! ?4 O6 X& `/ m) Y' r4 {


( S6 v$ s: @7 j9 F6 M6 U
7 s% Q# x4 p3 V+ m$ p. y
3 Y$ b5 I" {; N$ U& r* [Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
& t# h1 ^# r2 T9 W; W+ V9 o( L( |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
3 {+ t1 y% t1 `" e              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, t  P( t) b1 Y5 q( w& V7 J              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
" Z- Q5 y6 k' d4 C- m) t             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
4 t6 G$ V$ D4 Q3 @9 v6 H/ ]; L             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
. H/ w1 z- T: O% r1 eNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
+ h! k/ |" B/ X( b4 ~  ]2 {2 hBasically, I almost finish this poem
( m( L0 M# d1 K               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

# }/ i0 |6 l. Y" |卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
% j( G3 P1 P8 v( S0 Y6 I
2 E* Y1 m- h$ O$ M. R0 k: j

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 ?6 ^) \0 v5 a" KSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  n- r2 i# x1 Q( LSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

* q. }  {  e  N0 G+ MSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

) K4 P6 }: G0 H8 Z. _% p, hSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
1 O. C3 |) T8 i+ @& y- YSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
2 {# r, y" [0 @2 o1 YSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
5 z( T: B; i- zSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 f6 L) m' @- M) y6 `2 P& T* h5 O================================================
7 Z& O2 o+ g: P8 H" gHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% G, y* T& W8 {' h# B. z
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
, W+ [9 K' o4 ?/ Y5 Ksomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 v  r; M& r4 `) S我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

! j$ |1 ^1 x: M. B哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？